Trapped!
by 2muchofagoodthing
Summary: Another offworld adventure for the original team. Humor. Slight SamJack. Note: This is a shortened and updated version of Two Times Trapped!


**Trapped!**

_Another off-world adventure for the original team. Humor. Slight Sam/Jack._

Disclaimer: These are not my characters. I'm just borrowing. There is no profit involved, unfortunately.

SG-1 arrived at P3X777 without incident. "Just like the MALP showed, Sir...a jungle planet," commented Major Carter, startled a little by a bright orange, lizard-like creature that slithered on by.

"My favorite," uttered the Colonel sarcastically. "Hot _and_ humid." Beads of sweat were quickly forming on his brow.

"Must be 110," agreed Daniel, shaking drops of sweat off his glasses. "But if we can stay focused on our mission, we can get done quickly." He sneezed several times, violently, prompting a flurry of strange sounds and heightened activity in the surrounding flora. "Hopefully before my supply of tissues runs out."

"Okay. We'll split up. Carter, you and Teal'c go due east. Daniel and I'll go west. We'll make contact at...let's see...9:00 hours. Move out!" Colonel O'Neill crisply commanded. He turned and promptly tripped over a very sizable vine. Wiping some damp earth off his backside, he muttered under his breath.

Daniel suppressed a chuckle. "Right."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Colonel was standing in what passed as a clearing, weapon in hand, eyes peeled for anything that looked like it would bite, sting, wrap itself around and squeeze the life out of them, or otherwise inflict pain and/or death. Especially a painful, agonizingly _slow_ death. He winced as he saw a very large and hairy spider exiting stage left, but decided he'd better not fire on it. No use in getting its buddies upset.

Daniel had donned surgical gloves and was busily collecting foliage. "You know, we've made a lot of advances medically because of things discovered in rain forests, Jack. For instance..." The Colonel's arm shot out. They both listened, ears straining to filter out the increasingly familiar jungle sounds.

At about the same time, their radio crackled to life. "Sir?" It was Carter. "We've found something."

"Location?"

"We didn't get far, Sir. We're just slightly east of the 'gate. Just be careful of the area. Lots of roots and vines."

"I noticed. We're on our way," replied the Colonel. "Pack it up, Doctor."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"What's up?" inquired Jack, when they finally reached the rest of their team mates.

Teal'c, in keeping with his taciturn nature, simply pointed.

"Sir, I was so busy, I didn't notice at first," explained Carter.

There, a short distance away, was a translucent green curve topped by long, thorn-like structures. "Might as well take a closer look," said the Colonel. A moment later, "What the...?"

"Jack?" inquired Daniel.

"Damned ground is _sticky_!" Sure enough, as his team mates quickly found out as well, the "ground" had a layer of thin but powerful ooze that lightly sucked at their boots with each step. The Colonel raised his eyebrows and looked to his subordinate for an answer. "Carter?"

Before she could answer, the "ground" lifted beneath the four of them, throwing them roughly together in one direction and showering them, mid-air, with various jungle debris. It was several minutes before they regained consciousness.

"Crap!" exclaimed the Colonel on his back, noticing that the translucent green curve had become two translucent, curved green walls. Then he noticed a body lying cross-wise across his chest. It was blonde, and it groaned. "Carter?"

It stopped groaning. "Sir?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh...sorry, Sir."

"Forget it, Carter. You okay?" he asked. "Is everyone okay?" he asked the others, getting to his feet and helping Carter to do the same. She replaced and secured her helmet.

Teal'c was sitting against a green wall, still holding his weapon. "Indeed."

"Daniel?"

Daniel sat up slowly, glasses askew. "Jack, this is not good news," he announced, trying without success to wipe the stickiness from his clothing.

"Tell me about it," replied the Colonel, knowing that a very large bruise was now in the process of forming on his chest.

"What I mean is, we are inside a giant Denaea muscipula."

"_Which is_...?" the Colonel prompted.

"A Venus Fly Trap. _A large,_ _carnivorous_ Venus Fly Trap."

Sam nodded her agreement.

"_Crap_ to the trap, _I_ say," replied Jack, looking around and then up at their surroundings. He could see a width of perhaps six feet of sky about twenty feet above, between what were now _two_ sets of thorn-like structures.

"Our situation could be worse," stated Teal'c, suddenly becoming verbiose. "We have ample room."

But then a strange noise assaulted their ears, and the "walls" moved inward. "I've got a bad feeling about this, Sir," admitted Carter.

"For cryin' out loud, this is not the time to do a 'Star Wars' imitation, Major! Let's get to work!"

They gathered any branch-like debris they could find, wedging it between the walls to hopefully stop any further botanical incursion.

Teal'c "smiled" slightly. "Our efforts have indeed been successful, as they were for Luke."

"You guys been polluting his mind with sci-fi stuff?" demanded the Colonel. Then they heard the sound again, felt the "walls" shake. A moment later, their flimsy protective structures snapped like toothpicks. They covered their faces with their arms.

Teal'c quickly raised his weapon. "NO, TEAL'C, DON'T!" yelled Daniel, but it was too late. The Jaffa had already blasted a hole part-way through the inner layer of the plant's tissues, releasing a torrent of fluid that poured directly down onto Major Carter's upper body, soaking her vest almost immediately.

"IT'S CAUSTIC!" yelled Daniel, trying without success to come to Sam's aid.

"I've got it!" returned the Colonel, who was standing next to Sam.

"Oh, God, Sir!"

His fingers fumbled at the zipper. "It's okay, it's all right!" he assured, finally succeeding in ripping off her vest and throwing it a short distance away. "Got stuff on you?" he asked.

"I don't...think it soaked through my shirt...don't feel anything, anyway," Sam panted. She did, however, feel a distinct stinging sensation on her hands. She noticed they were bright red.

"Yeah, mine, too," said the Colonel.

"Just a sec," said Daniel. "Got something that should help." Reaching into a plastic bag, he quickly snapped a piece of plant in two and offered them the resultant clear liquid. "I think it's an aloe, or something similar." Both Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter slathered their hands with the gel. "Better?"

"An improvement," Jack admitted.

"Much better," answered Sam, as she spread some on her face and neck as well. "But then again, I think the Colonel got the worst of it." Turning to him, she said with a smile, "Thanks for saving my skin, Sir...literally!"

He winked. "No problem, Carter."

"O'Neill, should we not be thinking of a long-term solution to our predicament?" asked Teal'c.

"Ya _think_?" asked the Colonel sarcastically. Then they were all silent for a few minutes, looking around at their environment and glancing at each other.

It was Daniel who finally spoke. "You know...this plant could be a _sentient being_, and therefore capable of _reasoning_." Jack stared at him. "Now, before you say anything negative, this is not the first time that something we considered _incapable,_ _was_, actually, _capable_."

"It's a _plant_, Daniel. A _very hungry _plant."

"Good point. But it may not particularly want us."

"Especially if one of us is...uh..._tough_," suggested Sam, smiling. The Colonel gave her a withering look. "Sir," she added quickly, clearing her throat.

"Okay. How about if we offer to come back and give it something..._better_?"

"As in...?" prompted Jack.

"As in some roasts from the lunch room?" suggested Daniel. The other three groaned.

"Daniel, they've been _wicked tough_, the few times we've gotten them," Sam reminded Daniel.

"Okay, _hamburg_. The _hamburg_ isn't tough!"

"I believe that is because of the excessive fat content," suggested Teal'c.

"Hmmm...you know, if the plant _is_ capable of reasoning, this just might work," said the Major. "Years ago I had one, and I fed it hamburg. That, and flies."

"Go for it," suggested the Colonel. The green walls closed in a little more. "_Now_ would be a good time, Daniel!"

Daniel cleared his throat. "Okay. I'm speaking to _you_ now, plant." Jack rolled his eyes. "We're peaceful travelers from another world and just happened to step onto the wrong spot...actually, onto part of _you. _Sorry about that. Well, maybe not sorry, because you _want_ juicy morsels to step onto you. Okay...bad choice of words. We're not _juicy,_ we're not even _tasty_. We taste..._terrible_. Trust me." The walls closed in further, making it almost impossible to move. Daniel speeded up the rhetoric. "But we've got something much, much better, much juicier and much tastier...a real treat, and lots of it, and if you let us go, I promise we'll bring a whole lot of it here. Good idea, huh?"

Complete silence. "It's _thinking_," whispered Daniel. 

Then, slowly, the green walls fell outwards until they rested on the spongy ground. Jack, Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c quickly escaped.

"Gosh, that was close," said Sam, heaving a sign of relief.

"Indeed," agreed Teal'c.

"Jack, aren't you forgetting something?" asked Daniel.

"What?"

"It did do us a big favor. And as our commanding officer, I believe it's your place..."

"Okay, _okay_." Jack turned around and addressed the carnivorous plant. "Ahem. '_Plant, thanks for letting us go. We'll get you a pile of hamburg, pronto.'"_ When he turned back, his team was grinning ear-to-ear, even Teal'c. "Wipe those smart-ass smiles off your faces, and that's an order!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

General Hammond was present, as he usually was, when the team returned. "Colonel, do you have anything unusual to report from this mission?"

"Oh, I'd say so, General," replied Jack.

"We encountered a large, carnivorous plant on the planet, and both the Colonel and I unfortunately came into contact with a caustic substance that it produces in order to digest its victims," explained Sam.

"Sounds like a trip to the infirmary is in order. All of you should go, just to be sure. Debriefing will be in two hours, pending medical results. Dismissed."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Doctor Frasier was just finishing applying a soothing antibacterial cream to Jack's hands. "Sam, you sure you don't need any?"

Sam shook her head. "Actually, I'm in pretty good shape, thanks to my CO."

"And thanks to the wonders of aloe," added Daniel, hauling his heavily laden vest up to the counter. "Got all kinds of goodies from the jungle in here," he said, eagerly indicating the various pockets.

"Great, Daniel!" said Janet. "I'm looking forward to the results when the specimens are analyzed." She put the cap back on the tube of cream. "But...weren't you supposed to be collecting specimens as well, Sam?"

"I was, and I did, until my CO ripped my vest off and everything got left behind in all the excitement."

"Carter..." warned Colonel O'Neill, drawing out her name.

"No matter," replied the Doctor lightly. Then she diplomatically changed the subject. "All your tests came back normal, so...all four of you are free to go."

Jack slid off the examining table. "Okay. Next on the list...wonder what the proper channels are to requisition 400 pounds of cheap hamburg?"


End file.
